Like most cats, I like a good scratch from my human slaves from time to time. Ok, so I like it all the time. What's wrong with being a hedonist? After all, life was made for pleasure. Good food, plenty of naps and the occasional mouse to chase sounds like a pretty good lifestyle choice to me. Check out the cool spiked collar. That was a present from Wendy. She's my girl. 
Wendy and I go way back. This is her when we first met. And yes, that's a genuine fairy well that she's sitting on. I like humans that are a little...different. Wendy is the daughter of Jaq D Hawkins and a pretty talented writer herself. I know, I help her all the time. 
Of course no office is complete without an office cat to supervise everything. And of course when I'm working on my own book I need a resident typist. It's the thumbs thing. And the claws slide on the keys. All things considered, it's just more practical to let the humans earn their cuddles. 
Here we go, the embarrassing baby photos. Can you believe I was ever a handful of fluff like that? I was the biggest in my litter though, and the first born. That's why I was called 'Lucky'. That and the fact that I was the biggest of the litter. Ok so I don't get the connection either, but it made sense to the 5-year-old who named me. 
I stayed cute as I grew up too. I always had this thing for sleeping on my back that the humans just eat up. I suppose it makes them think of their own sprogs, but of course that's an old cat trick. Become the baby substitute. It guarantees good service for years. It's amazing what a human will do for a cuddle and a purr. 
It didn't take long for me to grow up into a fierce wildcat though. This is me playing girl-eating leopard with Wendy. Don't worry, she only looks like she's screaming in terror. She likes this game as much as I do, and I hardly draw any blood at all. Really! 
Here we are again. Notice I'm still winning? You would never guess that this kid uses me as a pillow at night. I have my soft and cuddly side. Oh but it's so much fun to spring and attack your prey...erm...I mean your playmates. 
Did I mention food? Oh yes, I did. Food and a good wash, that's a cat's life. Sometimes I can wash for hours. Especially in the middle of the night when the humans are sleeping, because they get boring. So all I have to do is sit on one of their heads and have a right good wash, and I get all sorts of attention. 
I taught Wendy loads of things when we were growing up together. For example, With my careful instruction, she learned to paint her eyes to look as much like a cat as a human can. Pretty little thing isn't she? She keeps her claws nice and sharp too. 
She's just about full grown now though. Yes, she has purple hair. It isn't your monitor screen gone funny. Humans do these things. She got the eyes right though. And her bracelets match my collar...almost. Mine has the genuine metal spikes. 
One way to keep your humans entertained is to twist yourself in all sorts of weird positions. The real trick of course is to wait until they run for the camera and go through all the hassle of getting it ready...and then you get up and look normal. They absolutely climb the walls! If you're good, you can get in and out of positions until they start standing over you with a camera, just waiting for you to do something 'cute'. Then you can have a peaceful nap. This one caught me out, but I went and put the picture on a T-Shirt and other merchandise. All that cat chow costs, ya know? 
I'm not that bad though, sometimes I'll even pose intentionally. This one is my Sphinx picture. Not bad eh? I figure the Sphinx in Egypt probably had a cat like me to pose for it. Well, maybe a lion.Then again, would you trust a lion to just sit there while you carve a statue of it? I figure it was one of my ancestors. 
One of the things I have to put up with is playing with the human's toys. They think I don't know they aren't alive just because they make them move. I guess they need their fantasy lives. They like to pretend that I know what they say too. I do of course, but you'll never catch a cat admitting to it to the humans. We like to reserve the mystery and walk away as if we don't understand when they want us to do something that doesn't appeal, like eating the same flavour of cat food that they've served before. Honestly! 
Some of these things do get surreal. Have you ever seen a tiny dinosaur that could play with a cat? Have you ever wondered what we would do if you were very, very small? That would make humans even MORE fun to play with! But on the other hand, it's just as well that they're big enough to reach the tins in the cupboard. 
Occasionally they might bring you a meal, um, friend who does actually smell like a living creature. Unfortunately they usually get it wrong. The rodents they won't let out to play. Same with birds. Dogs are, well, just irritating! Worst of all of course is another cat! 
Some of the things we have to put up with from humans is rather undignified. Like when they get the urge to dress up the cat. That's the drawback to the baby substitute thing...it can backfire on you. 
It is true that cats like to relax a lot. And why not? Can you think of something better to do with an afternoon than to sit on a warm lap and have a good scratch and massage? Of course the only trouble with humans is that they're always getting up when you want to sit on them, or worse, they pick you up when you're in the middle of a nap and expect you to purr for them or some such nonsense. 
Sleeping is one of cat's greatest pleasures. After a good midnight hunt, you need your beauty sleep. Don't think that having a house cat changes things, they hunt fairies if they have to. Although it is more fun to hunt rodents. Despite what all the save-the-animals people keep trying to tell us, it's natural for a cat to play outside, where the critters run free. 
We actually have very active imaginations. Remember that old cartoon about a beagle who used to sit on his dog house and become a flying ace? Well he was just a dog! Imagine how much more creative a cat can be! Here's one of me playing python. Let's see, who should I slither up and eat... 
Ok so an afternoon playing snake-in-the-grass can demand another nap. We only take twenty or thirty a day. Compare that to the average human sitting at a desk in an office or a school room and you'll realise that we're far more active than the average feeder slave, er, human. We do all that running and jumping. It takes energy. It's just that some of us do it when the humans aren't looking so they only think that the cat is always sleeping. 
Even some naps take energy. Have you ever slept up in a tree branch and managed not to fall off? Ok so most sofa arms are a bit wider, and the landing a bit softer, but there's still an instinct to hang on lest you tumble and lose dignity. 
One of the tricks to a good nap is to find a really comfortable sleeping place. Now one of the things that humans don't realise, is that cats set up S-Space. That is when you find a place that is your own special spot, and none of the changes that they make in the house will make any difference to that spot. Not even moving the furniture. 
I have to admit that it's good to have kindred spirits among the humans though. My girl Wendy is so much like a cat that she even understands S-Space. And she understands my need for my beauty rest. I'm writing a book that may be of much interest to humans. Wendy, as you can see, is helping me with my research. I'm not saying too much about it yet, wouldn't want another cat to nick my ideas. Bye for now,
~ Lucky
